The Pain in His Eyes
by everfaraway
Summary: A look at Lennox's life up until sometime after Revenge of the Fallen. Completely made up. I blame two things: the scarf he always wears & this kinda jaded look in his eyes during the movies. I know it's an actor playing a role but hey.. so sue me.


The Pain In His Eyes

_**Author: Okay, one thing brought this whole long thing on. That is: Why does Lennox always wear a scarf type thing  
around his neck in the movies? I'm also madly in love with Lennox. He's awsome to no end. Contains to some extent  
rape, blood, child abuse, sex & some bastard cutting up Lennox. Slight hints of EppsxLennox. I own the following: Lennox's  
mom, sister, niece, his friends at the party, Sarah's next door neighbor, commanding officers & the characters without names.  
**__**I'm just borrowing the rest from Micheal Bay & who ever else they belong to. Enjoy, R&R. NO FUCKING FLAMES! **_

There were only a couple of people who he let see past his mask. He never wore the mask with his wife; why would he when she knew all his secrets. His young niece only saw part of his pain and that was when she caught him looking at picture of her mother. His even younger daughter, to young to understand much in the world, knew nothing about what he hid. His military team all could sense that there was something he refused to tell them but they didn't press him on it. Epps, however, knew all about his commanding officer's past.

"Major?"

"Yeah?" Major William Lennox asked.

"You alright?" Epps asked from nearby.

"Yeah, just thinking." he admitted. His second in command moved to his side, keeping several feet away until he had permission to move closer. After a moment Lennox gave the other a slight nod and wave of his hand. The Major was leery by nature, not that Epps blamed him.

"Missing your girls?" Epps asked, dropping down beside him.

"I always miss them. But I was thinking back... I guess." he said, running his fingertips over a bit of flesh the scarf around his neck didn't cover.

"Lennox." came Epps voice sharply. He immediately moved his hand and adjusted his scarf to cover that bit of exposed flesh. If left unchecked he would either rub or scratch that area raw.

"Thanks." he whispered.

"Welcome." Epps muttered. He had seen the scars under the scarf a few times, pale against his commanding officer's tan or sometimes sun burnt skin. Most of all: he knew what caused them.

The pair sat in comfortable silence for several minutes. Epps' mind went to his wife, four daughters and son. The girls took after their mother while the little boy took after him: unintentionally getting into trouble whenever possible.

"I'm turning in." Lennox said, getting up.

"Night." Epps muttered as he stretched out.

"Team this is Lennox, turning in for the night. Report to Epps unless it's an emergency then wake me up." the Major said, into his radio.

"Night Major." several voices, including Graham, Burke and Salani, answered. Lennox considered his next command for a few seconds before he flicked his radio on again.

"At ease team. Keep your eyes open but go grab some coffee, food and maybe send an email back home." he told them. He heard the collective sighs and whispers of thanks from his men.

Crawling into his bunk he set his rifle close by, put his radio by his pillow and shrugged out of his vest. Shutting his eyes, he hoped for a dreamless sleep. If only the Gods would be that kind.

He didn't dream of his past right away but instead of his wife Sarah, daughter Annabelle and niece Cassie; his three beautiful girls. Sarah and he had named their daughter after his sister, who had died when he first entered the military. His niece had been named after his mother, who despite her flaws had done what she could to raise him well. Thinking of his mother and half sister brought up bad memories.

His father had ran off when he was three, leaving his mother to raise him alone. His half sister Annabelle was already close to twenty by that time and spent part of her time taking care of him. Despite the seventeen years of age difference, he glued himself to his sister's side when she was there. Their mom worked two jobs to take care of him: one as a waitress and the other as a stripper. They both meant long hours but the second meant she brought a lot of men home with her. Whenever there were men over Cassandra took him and left to go out somewhere if possible. If not, she locked both of them in her closest. The men their mother brought home terrified them both because more often than not they were drunk, drugged up or both.

When he was five his sister moved out and got a small apartment of her own while working as a secretary for some small clinic nearby. The apartment was tiny, little more than an efficiency, but it was big enough for him to come stay with her when he didn't want to stay at their mother's. About a year later, their mother quit her job as a stripper and worked strictly as a waitress. By that time he was starting school and for several years: they were all happy. Annabelle worked hard to pay her rent and bills while still having a little bit left over for the holidays. His mother was working just as hard to make sure he was clothed, fed and taken care of. It was a simple life but one he had enjoyed.

About the time he turned ten, he caught sight of something that both mesmerized and confused him. Late one night on his way back from the bathroom, he heard groans coming from his mother's bedroom. Being balanced on the knife edge between asleep on his feet and awake, he walked up to the door and cracked it open. His thought of course was that she might be hurt but he didn't find what he had expected to see. Upon peeking into the bedroom, he saw two men in her bed but no sign of his mother. In the near complete darkness, they were not sleeping. He could barely make out their bodies moving in unison and heard their soft groans. He blinked twice as his mind attempted to figure out what was going on when the door suddenly shut in front of him.

"What are you doing?" He looked up to see his mother hovering over him, wrapped in a long blue robe.

"I heard a noise when I was coming back from the bathroom, I thought you might be hurt." he admitted honestly. A sharp sob erupted from his throat when a stinging slap landed on his face.

"Don't ever go into my room again unless I tell you to you William." she said, catching his chin in her hand to force him to look at her. Her dark brown eyes were hard and partly hidden by her long auburn hair. "Do you understand?" she growled.

"Yes mom." he whimpered. He thought the place where she had slapped him hurt then, but he didn't know at the time that he'd endure much worse as time went on.

"Go back to bed and stay there. Don't say anything to anyone, not even your sister." she snapped.

"Yes ma'am." he said, before running back to his room. The sight of the two men was burned onto his eyelids. His young mind didn't understand it and wouldn't for many years until his sister explained the ways of adults to him. The sight have sickened him at first when he found out that people usually frowned on it but at the same time, the fact that it was almost forbidden appealed to him.

With the exception of having to go home, he loved his life for the next six or so years. His sister took great care of him when he was there; he meet a beautiful girl who would later end up his wife and most of all he got that image from age ten to stop bothering him. Of course it meant accepting the fact that he was attracted to women and men both. However like always something went wrong. When he was a few months after from his fifteenth birthday, he was at Sarah's house visiting when the phone rang.

"Stay put I'll get it. It's probably mom calling to make sure we're behaving." she laughed, getting up.

"Right." he said, stretching his legs. A moment or two passed in silence as he relaxed.

"Oh God! Will!" Sarah screamed from the kitchen. He got up immediately and found her standing there, clutching the phone with tears in her eyes. "Here." she whispered.

"Hello?" he asked, putting the phone to his ear.

"Will?" Sara's mom asked, her tone scared and worried. She was a nurse at the local hospital.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Annabelle got brought in." she whimpered.

"What happened!" he demanded.

"She was... raped." Sarah's mom said quietly. He immediately felt ill as his heart began to shatter. He rested his head against the wall and fought back tears. "Will?"

"I'm here." he said, in a voice huskier than normal.

"Get Jenette next door to drive you over and I can let you see her."

"Thanks." he said, hanging up the phone.

"Will?" Sarah asked.

"Go get Jenette, tell her we need a ride to the hospital." he said.

"What happened?" she whimpered.

"Some bastard raped my sister." he growled as every muscle in his body tensed. As she ran off he heard a strangled sob bubble up in her throat.

His sister didn't recover well from the rape until she found out she was pregnant. At first she didn't know if she wanted to keep the baby but in the end, thanks to his coaxing, she did. Just before his sixteenth birthday he left him mother's house permanently to move into the 2 bedroom apartment Annabelle had recently gotten. She would need help caring for the baby after it was born and he had promised to be there for her. However she insisted he go out and have a big party with friends for his birthday. She would be staying home that night with a neighbor from close by. At that point she was almost 8 months pregnant and due anywhere between two to four weeks.

"Have fun." Annabelle told them.

"We will." Sarah promised.

"Call me if you need me." he told her.

"I'll be fine." she said.

"Promise me." he insisted.

"Okay, I promise." his sister agreed, hugging him. Sarah reached over him to dangle his keys in his face. "Go on." Annabelle laughed.

"Come on baby." Sarah said, backing away.

"Give me those!" he shouted, running after her. She didn't make it far before he caught her. She laughed as he picked her up and pulled the keys from her hand. Annabelle smiled as she watched them play. He was considerably happier since he had moved in with her.

Later that night they were curled up on their friend Michelle's couch. "To the birthday boy." Michelle said, lifting up a plastic cup. Everyone else touched theirs' to her's and then to his. Everyone was drinking soda spiked with a tiny bit of vodka. Michelle's parents were okay with it as long as nobody smelled of it when they left.

"I have an announcement." Will said.

"You and Sarah are getting married?" another of their friends, Jacoby, asked.

"Not yet but my sister is due very soon." he said as Sarah blushed.

"That's great." Amy, Jacoby's sister, said.

"Anyways... I want you guys to listen to this with open hearts. And not to think of me any differently because of it." he told them. All eyes were locked on him as Sarah squeezed his hand. "I'm bisexual." he said after a moment of silence.

"What?" Amy asked.

"I like guys and girls." he explained. Michelle blinked twice at him.

"You're a fag." Jacoby said.

"No damn it I just said I like both. There is a difference." Will said.

"Fucking fag." the other teen growled, pulling a knife from his pocket.

"Jacoby!" Amy screamed at her brother as the girls backed away. Will crouched on the back of the couch like a cat. He was smaller than Jacoby but faster. At least he hoped he was. His eyes locked on the 5 inch long blade as it shimmered and seemed to cry out for blood. The other teen moved faster than he had expected. As Will scrambled off the couch and went to the hall, a gash appeared on his collar bone.

"Damn I just got this jacket." he cursed as blood trickled down his chest. He sidestepped to avoid the blade again. The older teen slashed at him time and time again as he tried to get to the kitchen. The knife sliced open the skin around his collar bone and throat several times more before he ran out of luck. Someone had knocked over a chair in their scramble to get out of their way, which he tripped over. Jacoby immediately pounced, keeping him effectively pinned on the floor.

"I outta make you suck my dick then cut you up while your girlfriend watches." he said. Will ground his teeth together as the knife touched his now tender neck. The older teen's hand started traveling too low for his liking. He liked guys but he had no intention of sucking off some asshole at his own birth-day party. He shifted just enough to jerk his knee up into his crotch. "Bastard." the other growled, slashing at him. Pain shot through him from his neck as the blade tore his neck open. Blood flowed down his shirt as the world began to get fuzzy. Someone screamed and he felt Jacoby being pulled away from him. More blood flowed from the wound as he drifted into darkness.

"Will? Will can you hear me?" Someone was calling his name, not loudly but just above a whisper. "Will, baby?" There it was again, just a bit louder this time. He groaned but pain shot through him instead. "Will?" He opened his eyes to find Sarah looking down at him.

"Thank God." she whispered.

He stared at her and mouthed, "My throat hurts."

"That bastard almost killed you. They had to sew your windpipe together again and the blade nicked your vocal cords." she told him with malice in her voice.

"Jesus." he mouthed. She ran a hand through his dark brown hair. "Has anyone called Anna or my mom yet?" he mouthed, tapping her arm to get her attention.

"Annabelle went into labor when she found out and delivered the baby yesterday. It's a beautiful little girl." Sarah said.

He smiled then asked, "My mom?"

She bit her lip and whispered, "She.. was so upset when she found out that... she tried to drive over here. She swerved too hard and too fast when she was taking the exit, hit a truck. The impact killed her, broke her neck." Tears erupted into her eyes. He stared up at the ceiling in shock before tears flooded his own eyes. She leaned over him, being careful of his neck and buried her face in his chest.

"Mom's dead." he mouthed as they both sobbed.

Finally after several minutes Sarah said, "Anna named her baby Cassie. After your mom."

It took six weeks for his neck to heal completely and another four before he could talk again. He dropped out of school, got his GED and as soon as he hit seventeen went into Basic Training. All the money went to Sarah who he had asked to marry him before he left. She and her parents promised to take care of all the planning and did. Two weeks after he returned, they had a small wedding with her family, his sister, niece and plenty of close friends in attendance. He was the happiest man in the world right then. But once again, his shitty luck held. No matter how hard they tried when he was home, Sarah couldn't get pregnant which tore them both up because they wanted children. Then the last tragedy struck when he was away a year before he met Epps.

"Specialist Lennox!" a voice shouted. One of the Staff Sergeants walked up to him.

"Yes sir!" he said.

"There's a phone call for you from a Sarah Lennox." the Sergeant told him.

"That's my wife." he said.

"She said it's an emergency." he whispered.

Lennox's heart raced as he ran to the communication's barracks. "Where's my wife?" he asked.

"Right here Specialist." one of the Corporals said, handing him a phone and offering him a chair.

"Sarah?" he asked, sitting down.

"Oh Will." she sobbed.

"Sarah, what's the matter?" he asked.

"It's Anna. She had a brain aneurism. Cassie called me, saying that when she woke up from her nap she couldn't wake up Anna. I went over, found her on the couch and called 911. There wasn't anything they could do. I'm sorry Will." she whispered.

"Anna." he whimpered. His sister, the only family he had left besides Cassie, was dead. He had lost his mother to a car accident three years ago and now his sister was gone too. Tears flooded his eyes as he bit down on his fatigue sleeve to not scream in pain. On the other end Sarah was trying to soothe Cassie who had begun to cry again. It was hard to say if she understood that her mother was dead.

"Will? They'll let you come home won't they?" she asked.

The Sergeant who had told him about the call walked over. "Hold on baby." he told her.

"What happened?" the Sergeant asked.

"My sister died of a brain aneurism. My niece found her and called my wife." he explained.

"Tell your wife you'll be home within 48 hours. I'll try to get you on the first copter out of here."

"Thank you sir." he whispered. Then turning back to the call he said, "Sarah I'll be home within 48 hours. One of the Sergeants is trying to get me on the first copter out of here."

"Thank God." she whispered.

"Tell the baby for me." he told her.

He was home in less that 24 hours and sobbing alongside Sarah and Cassie as soon as he walked in the door. The funeral was two days later at which he cried more than he had cried for his mother. Anna had raised him for part of his childhood while their mother was working two jobs. Finally after another day, the question came up of who would care for Cassie.

"We will." Sarah said immediately. Will gave her a long look then nodded his agreement.

"You are in the military Mr. Lennox?" the social worker asked.

"Yes ma'am. 3 years active duty." he told her.

"Your rank and commanding officer?" she asked.

"Specialist. Corporal Matthews." he said.

"Don't let them take me away." Cassie begged from Will's lap.

"We won't baby." he said, hugging her tightly.

"Major Lennox? Will?" A voice, rougher than his niece's, was trying to pull him back to reality. "Will!" He flinched at the tone and opened his eyes. Standing by his bunk was Epps.

"What's up?" he asked, sitting up.

"Came in for this." he said, holding up a jacket. "Found you: talking and crying in your sleep."

He brought his hand up to his face and found it wet. "Bad dreams." he lied.

Epps cocked an eyebrow, silently calling his bluff. He knew what was really wrong with his commanding officer and friend. "Right." he said.

"How long was I out?" Lennox asked.

"About four hours." Epps told him.

"Thanks Ray."

"For what Will?"

"Everything."

_**Author: I'm a big military freak. One of my adopted sister's hubbys is over in either Afghanistan or Iraq right now.  
He gets to come home around New Years. My bf is ex-military & some of the male members of my family served as  
well. God Bless our troops, fictional & otherwise. Thank all of you for what you do & are a hell of alot braver than me.  
if anyone reading this has a family member fighting somewhere right now: they're in my prayers. **_


End file.
